How To Make Really Good Friends?

There was a time when I was throwing a bachelorette party. I had invited all. My besties, office friends (both male and female), cousins, and my sibling.

Yes one would question, why men were invited to a bachelorette?

But I wanted this event to be a catch up session with all my dear ones instead of a bachelorette termed event.

So when were celebrating this day, my younger sister sibling came to me and said,

“Ruchi didi, you have so many friends, I have no one. How do you make such good friends?”

And here, I did have an answer to her question but that answer had many angles to it, many explanations to it.

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For all those who felt it difficult to make really good friends, friends who take care of you, friends who make plans, and friends who run the show when you are feeling down, I have this blog written for you.

Let’s understand,

1. Who is a friend and who is not your friend?
2. What makes them really good? How to identify them?
3. Why you can’t make friends? (Self Analysis)
4. How to finally make really good friends?

Who is a friend?

Before understanding who a friend is, let’s understand who is not “your” friend.

1. A person around you who is just there when they need something from you
2. A person who doesn’t think good thoughts about you
3. A person who talks behind your back
4. A person is not interested in befriending you
5. A person who never helps you
6. A person who says they are friends with you but only in words, not in actions

A friend is not someone who is good for you on social media. They might post pictures with you or occasionally meet you when it’s convenient for them. When they want something from you, when you are just being too nice, too friendly and being too easy for them.

Before we really make good friends, let’s understand now,

A friend is someone,

1. who is constantly there to support you and guide you
2. who is there to keep you safe
3. who challenges you to be better
4. who points out the good and bad in you
5. who motivates you
6. who enjoys you and your company
7. who gets inspired by you
8. who works to protect the friendship that they have with you
9. who puts in work and effort regularly to keep the friendship alive
10. who fights but also comes back to you

These are the signs you can look out for?

But can I ask you something?

Do you have these qualities of a friend?

What makes them really good? How to identify?

There can be many friends in our lives. School, college, university, office, neighborhood, and some other friends.

But can you count them on your fingers?

The ones who are the

1. Closest to you
2. Have been there for you in your toughest times
3. They listen to you empathize with you
4. Have seen many versions of you
5. Have been a crucial part of your life events
6. Have turned into a family member

These are your real mates. They play the longest battle. They play the game of life with you. That’s how you know.

Even if you have 1 person like that in your life, then cherish them.

If you don’t, then read below.

Why you can’t make friends?

There are a lot of things I can suggest to you. But you need to understand why making friends is difficult.

“I didn’t have to make friends. I naturally had people talk to me or would somehow bump into a conversation. Making friends was just random.”

But for some, it is very difficult.

It is difficult to form connections.

Why?

1. You have low confidence about yourself/low self esteem– You think you have something wrong in you. That you are wrong somewhere. You are not a good person, not beautiful or popular enough. Or maybe you think you don’t have things which other people have.
2. You feel entitled– You feel that people should automatically come to you and do everything for you. On the other hand, you expect a lot from others. But friendships involve mutual effort. Both the parties need to put efforts to make friendships thrive.
3. Fear & past rejections– There is a fear that you will be rejected or you will be judged for your actions. Maybe you had a difficult experience in childhood or you felt this in some past experience. You feel that everyone finally leaves you and you are left alone.
4. Feeling of independence and solitude– You want to have happy friendships but at the same time, there’s a conflict within to stay away, be independent and break-free from any bond. You like your aloneness more than company. Maybe you feel that investing in a friendship is much more riskier than being alone. The cost of being rejected by others is more.
5. You take things personal– Maybe someone caused you trouble or you thought that you deserved it. You deserve such a treatment by others. Or you think that this is a pattern and it keeps happening to you.
6. Nature– Maybe you are a person who is shy and introvert. You keep things to yourself. You don’t want to be in the limelight or you just feel happy the way things are. Even if you feel like having more friends or try to make friends, your naturally driven inwards than actually extending yourself.

How to finally make really good friends?

To make good friend/s, here’s what you should do,

1. Become aware of your own limiting negative thoughts around friendship and do the opposite of it. Change the setup in mind. If you feel no one will become your friend, at least be a good friend to the existing people in your life. Focus on becoming the “friend” instead of attracting one.
2. Invest in yourself- Focus on your body language, see how confident and happy you look. Talk to people normally. Don’t judge yourself. If things work, they work. If they don’t, then it’s okay, you don’t need to take it personal. Enjoy helping a person in need. Do favors if someone asked you to. Be friendly to the ones who want to be friends with you. At times we forget the people in front of us when we want to be friends with other people. Look around you. There are definitely going to be people who love and cherish you. Become friends with your sibling, your mom, dad, and people around you. That’s the best thing you can do.
3. Focus on your grooming- Be that person in the room who people would look forward to. People would want to become like you. Develop yourself, develop your skills. Look yourself in the mirror. See how you can enhance your looks and become confident in yourself. Remember, there is nothing wrong with you, you can have as many friends you want, but they require effort. Build yourself so that you can be a good friend to your friends.
4. Don’t take it too seriously- Friendships thrive in fun. Don’t take it as a task or score. Don’t see it as a transaction or as a duty that you need to do. Let it flourish naturally. You do your best. Just take it easy.

I hope you understood that friendships are the best things one can ever experience. I hope you get to enjoy that and build it till the end.

To read my previous blog, click here.

See you!