How do I overcome jealousy?

Is it just me or everyone is facing this? 

Thoughts like these run on my mind. 

• They have it better. 

• They are so amazing, popular and beautiful. 

• Everyone loves them. 

Though my intentions are good, my heart is innocent, but why do I think negatively of others?

Why do I feel a sense of jealousy?

Is the other person gifted?

Maybe yes or no. 

Can you do anything about it?

Yes. 

What?

In this blog, I’m going to talk about,

1. What is jealousy for real?
2. Why are you jealous? 
3. Where does jealousy stem from? 10 prompts to know the root cause
4. How do I overcome jealousy?
5. Best way forward 

You know that at times we feel jealous and I also understand that you want to remove this feeling altogether and live a confident and detached life. 

So how do we get from point A to point B?

Let’s understand the root cause. What is the root of jealousy 

Jealousy is nothing but a lack of something that is abundant in someone else. 

We feel unhappy. We feel what if we had it and life would have been amazing. 

We dream of their life. 

Be it color

Beauty

Money

Appearances 

Clothes

Style

Intelligence 

Ambition

Success

Fame

Or even the height of a person. 

It can be anything.

This is not only a feeling, but can be dangerous, showing in the form of fear, stress, rage and humiliation. 

One can get jealous when one’s partner is getting attention and fame.

One can get jealous because someone earns more than the other person.

One can get jealous if in a group of 3 people, 2 people gel well, but the 3rd person feels left out.

Or simply, one can get jealous if one person enjoys favors/prestigious treatment in a workplace while others are just treated with indifference.

Firstly, it’s a human reaction and it’s normal to feel this way.

Occasional thoughts on jealousy are natural.

But what about jealousy that runs through the roof?

Jealousy that has constantly taken over your head.

That it truly drives your life.

Learned experts say that jealous is a feeling that shouldn’t be suppressed or left unexpressed, rather it should be paid attention to, and it should be investigated.

That why this feeling is arising in the first place.

If one is dealing with romantic relationships, or any other relationship, it can manifest like

1. Fault finding
2. Criticizing
3. Blaming
4. Being suspicious
5. Abusing
6. Comparing (add link)

If this is in excessive amount, it can give some negative physical impact like

1. Headache
2. Stress
3. High blood pressure
4. Sleep disturbances
5. And, poor appetite

On the other hand, this feeling of jealousy is good.

What? Why?

Jealousy is referred to as a good feeling seen in romantic relationships. It can be a sense of belonging that partners feel for each other or a little bit of possessiveness. But jealousy signifies that the other person cares and is devoted when a relationship is getting deviated.

Root Cause

According to research from (Positive Psychology), the root causes for jealousy are

1. Low self-esteem (my internal link)
2. Feeling of abandonment
3. Feeling of not being worthy
4. Feeling of not being enough
5. Feeling of not being lovable
6. Feeling of inadequacy
7. External/societal pressures
8. Any other insecurity or limiting belief

If you feel you have any of these limiting beliefs, then how to overcome the feeling of jealousy?

Now we know what jealousy is, what are the root causes and symptoms of it.

Let’s understand, how we can tackle this feeling and work towards building a realistically positive mindset?

1. Look at yourself- Go deep into yourself. See who you are. As yourself some questions. What do you like? What is your favorite color? How will you respond to disrespect? What beliefs you have about career and success? Ask these questions. It should be from all other areas of your life. Friendship, relationship, family, career, finances, spirituality, physical, and mental health. Work on all aspects. After asking these questions, ask yourself. The answers you got are true about yourself or not? Does it define your truest self? Is that who you are? Or you are in the process of becoming “you.” Check these for yourself.
2. Pick some accomplishments- If you come and tell me that you have not achieved anything or you have not done a good deed, even if it is small, that’s fine. Count your deeds. See what good you have done. See what good you are, your qualities, thoughts, see what good you have. Be grateful of what exists in the now. Look around. Look at the sun. No one is complimenting it, still its shining. Still it’s doing it’s job of lighting the world. If you pass a bad comment, it won’t mind. It would always continue to do the good. So, what about us? What can we learn? We also need to believe in our existing capabilities and continue to optimize them. It can be anything. Cooking, cleaning, or doing a hairdo. It can be as simple as growing trees. No matter who comes you way, better than you or highly amazing than you, you do your thing confidently.
3. Build confidence- After knowing your accomplishments and the good side, build the confidence around it. Work on your art. For example, if you look good but want to look too amazing and out-of-the-world gorgeous, work on getting some ideas and plan routines to look the way you want to look. Ask people, look for inspiration, and get some work done, maybe in the shower or a fine salon. You know! So confidence is nothing but how much self-belief you have in yourself. How much you love yourself to improve in the direction of growth. Jealousy and comparison also often stem from the fact that you can’t have what others have. But that’s untrue. You can have it too. You just have to work for it.
4. Change the perspective- Look at amazing and awesome people from the perspective of inspiration instead of comparison and jealousy. Look at them. If you like what they have, see how you can imbibe the same in your life. If you compare, you’ll always feel unsatisfied and it will be a never ending cycle of dissatisfaction.
5. Change your belief system- If you have any limiting belief that you are not what you want then daily affirm to yourself in the night and morning that, “I an naturally beautiful, rich, and healthy.” Keep affirming this until it gets imprinted on your mind.

Till then, keep working on yourself.