This is a conscious or subconscious choice that we make.
Knowingly or unknowingly, we compare.
We compare hard.
As adults, its our childhood, school experiences, college experiences, love and career scenarios, that shaped our mind. We were around those people who did talk about other people, did compete and did conclude.
They compared. And somewhere, even we learned a way of looking at life the way others were looking.
But is it the way?
There is no right way, but is there a way to compare the right way?
Yes.
In this article, I’m going to write about
- What is comparison?
- Why we compare ourselves with others?
- Is it good, bad, necessary or depressing?
- How to not compare, live happy, and believe in yourself to achieve anything?
What is comparison?
As a child, there have been numerous episodes where I was compared to others.
“Look at her, she is doing it so well.”
“Look at her, she brought these many marks, why don’t you learn something?”
“She is so beautiful, can you work on your beauty by dressing well?”
And many more.
The list goes on.
After listening to these, I felt a little less of myself. I thought that the world was a perfect landscape where I was not perfect. And I had to do something to be, perfect.
Comparison was showing who is more, who is better and who is the epitome of a certain trait or quality.
Why we compare ourselves with others?
People didn’t turn inwards for answers about their own self, they searched it outside. They constantly did some things which got validated by people. Once it was not validated, they got hurt. So comparison is just a by-product of not feeling enough from within and trying to look or be the best so that someone acknowledges it. In this acknowledgement, we felt relieved. We felt assured. The idea of comparison just vanished.
But why do this?
Why not ask ourselves about who we really are?
The narratives or opinions people have about us, the idea that they think we are or we can be, why does it matter so much?
Why it takes a lot of mental space in our minds?
It’s a pattern definitely that developed in our life, but that doesn’t have to drive our life right?
We have to think.
Why should I compare myself with others?
Everyone is different, even if we think they are on the same journey as ours. On the outside, things seem pretty.
On the inside, we are humans looking at others and trying to be better.
In this also, there is a difference. If you are looking to grow in life, you will look at others as inspiration. But if you look at others from a place of lack or from a place of not being enough, you will constantly be unhappy in life.
There will always be someone or something, that will be higher or better than you.
So why compare?
Is it good, bad, necessary or depressing?
Comparison is good. It is not bad.
Because of comparison, we could measure things. We could measure our growth and development. We could analyze where we are and where we are heading.
Secondly, it is necessary at some junctures of life. If you want to upskill or be better, comparing yourself not with others, but with the past version of yourself is critical. This is a very important differentiator. You were a different version of yourself in the past with different beliefs, ideas, personality and values. Now, you are a completely different version with different experiences and learnings.
Realize that you have improved a lot in so many things. Why do you forget that? Why do you need other people to remind this to you or validate that you are something?
You need to look yourself in the mirror and acknowledge it yourself, instead of seeking validation or comparing yourself with others to know if you have really made it.
How to not compare, live happy, and believe in yourself to achieve anything?
When you will ask yourself,
Why should I not compare myself to others?
You will understand that you are God’s creation. A unique creation which is nowhere in this world.
You are a gem in yourself, just the way you were made.
If you compare yourself, you will be frustrated, unhappy and constantly unsatisfied.
How to be happy now?
- Start being grateful of what you have- You already have more than you need. Once your start counting what you have and being grateful for it, you will not feel the urge to complain or compare. You will simple be happy about your existence in this planet and how God has showered you with enough to create a good life.
- Discover your inner capabilities- See where you are good at instead of adopting a life that others are living. You are unique. You have your inherent qualities and calling. Going according to what others are doing is not the right thing to do. Do what you feel is right. Look for inspiration. Learn your art and be confident in yourself.
- You can achieve anything in life- Believe in yourself. There is nothing that you can’t achieve. There’s nothing that is impossible. Whatever you desire, whatever you don’t have currently, you can acquire it with your self belief. Believe that you will achieve it someday if not today.
- Take one day at a time- There are many things that run in our minds. There are many dreams and goals to achieve. So don’t be overwhelmed. Focus on one core thing that you want to achieve. Keep fighting for it.
- Understand what you are thinking- Understand if you are looking at others for inspiration or looking at others from a place of lack or not being enough. Love yourself enough that you have compassion for yourself. Compassion for where you have reached. Be proud of yourself. Be calm and keep learning. Give yourself time. You will definitely reach where you want to.
I hope this blog helped you reach your potential and true value.
Thank you!